Diana (smiley86) wrote,

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I looked around and this was the town that I found.

So May 17th last year we were all excited and getting ready for m&l's wedding. Already done with finals and hanging out with Sindhu, Ant, Danny, Perillo, Killer, and Dechead playing peas in a pod in her basement. Larry's grad was in a week. Got a flat tire going home haha.
A WHOLEEEEEEEEEEE lot has happened between then and now. Wow thinking about it all is nuts. I felt like my spirit was ripped right out of me and it hid somewhere dark until the sun came out again. It felt like all my dreams were shattered and it was happening right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. The hardest thing to do is look at your face so close in the mirror and talk to yourself. I would be talking to myself, looking straight into my eyes without looking away. It was so difficult, I would always burst out crying. But, even through the tears, I wouldn't look away until I assured my eyes that I was going to do this. Going to get past this. Like I was making a promise to my eyes, which hold my soul.
But I survived and I'm pushing harder then ever now. I'm determined not to fail..if I don't succeed, I'm never giving up until I do. This last year has made me into a woman, so come on big bad world..try to eat me alive..I'll rip all your teeth out. I'm a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Everything works out in the end..like a puzzle. When you puzzle my life together..everything that has happened in the past 21 years will make this amazing puzzle of a girl growing into a woman. All the mistakes, heartaches, hardships all have their own puzzle pieces and without them, I just wouldn't be me. So cheers new job...I'm so afraid of failing. I know it's going to be hard for me, but as I said, I'm not giving up. Just because I'm afraid doesnt mean I can go hide wherever my spirit was hiding. I can do this, I am doing this. Come on world...you already tried to break me once at which you did a great job, but you're not doing it again.
Ok so that's not all that's changed either. No more ant after 3 years. Big shocker for all. I found someone new though. Someone great. And I'm really happy. Me&ant will always be good friends and as time passes we will be even better friends. I'm excited for the future..I was so scared of it for the longest time, but whatever happens, happens. I'm confident in it.

It's ok to fall down.
It's ok to crumble.
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