today was a blah day. More than usu. Didnt shower and now I feel semi greasy. Was mentally in an ugly place. I really lost myself. Still.
I watched "under our skin" and it was very..ok. I know everything, but I dont know how other people cope. They do the same as me. Struggle to survive everyday. A girl said she coped by thinking of what she can do rather than what she cant. Ive always been thankful for the things I didnt lose, but its hard.
I really just want a life. I want to smile. I want to walk/dance/skip/run. I dont want to hide anymore.
list goes on, but blah heard it all before.
I miss feeling worth something.
Im mad that uncle frankie died. Not bc of normal reasons youd think. Im mad b/c I cant bear to go to his memoral thing. Ill be in such pain, but mental worse. I cant see any1. Didnt he know that he couldnt die for my sanity? Crazy, selfish, wrong of me. yes I know. damn.
I will miss him. RIP